What is the area under your happiness curve?

If you ask the next person you meet about his goal in life, he is most likely to say,"I just want (my wife, my family, myself) to be happy.

What makes happiness?
That's uber subjective. But for the sake of discussion, let's not debate on what who should be happy about. If gaining happiness means one likes to crush bunnies under a thick sheet of glass, so be it... at least, let's not dissect that for this discussion.

Instead, let's focus on happiness maximisation in a relationship.

Take a look at this diagram. If one's life objective is to maximise happiness before one's time on earth expires, it means the net area under the curve has to be maximised. More net area covered, more happiness. Very simple.

Now, ideally, one should find a partner who can, together with you, maximise the net area under the curve, by constantly bringing the happiness level to greater heights. See the green curve for the ideal partnership.

Of course, the Ideal Couple hits rough patches sometimes, and the green curve dips into the Combined Happiness zone. But keeping the ultimate goal in mind, the couple works together to bring themselves back on track for happiness maximisation.

Does cooperation always lead to happiness maximisation?
Not true.
Introducing the Boring Couple using the blue curve.

Basically, this flat relationship is kept at a constantly cordial level which is marginally above feeling negative. This strategy is primarily employed to avoid unhappiness, while also avoiding growth.

At the end of the relationship, when either partner passes on, the area under the blue curve is merely a fraction of the green curve... and is possibly even shorter than the couple with the red curve who broke up before Death came along.

The red curve belongs to a couple in a volatile relationship. This relationship hits super highs and super lows, and is, most often than not, terminated quickly.

While the blue curve couple may be (privately) scorning the reds for not 'completing' the relationship, i.e. till death do us part, we must bear in mind that the area under the volatile red curve may just as well outdo the boring blue curve. The reds, in their shorter relationships, get to experience more happy memories, than the boring blues.

In other words, boring blue is 'safe', but forgettable, and not really that happy afterall.

But nothing beats the yellow curve. It's so special that I have featured it on its own.

As you can tell, the net area under the yellow curve is NEGATIVE. The actors in this relationship spend their lives in the Combined Unhappiness zone... till Death comes along to relieve them of their burden.

Why would anyone do this to themselves?
Coz not having a partner would drop them further into the Combined Unhappiness zone permanently. They would rather have no happiness and/or some unhappiness, than to be extremely unhappy.

In summary:

• The Green Curve - Maximises happiness through sustained cooperation
• The Red Curve - Experiences extreme highs and lows, relationship truncated
• The Blue Curve - Avoids extremes, leading to no happiness maximisation
• The Yellow Curve - Not interested in happiness maximisation, only interested in being in a relationship (form over substance)

Which curve are your partner and you on?
Is this what you want?