Singlehood is Your Own Doing

I posted this on my Facebook accounts, and the discussion was intense.

"There are more than 7 billion people in the world.
It's impossible not to find a soulmate and more.
If you claim you cannot, it's all because of you."

What struck me most was that while some singles supported the statement, all of those who vehemently had rebutted it, all are singles.

Their arguments range as follows:

• This statement is condescending - Sounds like the elites telling the poor that it's all their fault for not working hard enough.
• There is a supply and demand imbalance.
• It's not that people do not try, but there are impediments such as geography, language, internet access, immigration policies, gender imbalance, family obligations etc.
• People have too high expectations of their future partners.
• Some people just need help - Hence, the existence of marriage agencies, snake heads and human smugglers etc.

I am liking this discussion.
Not for the personal attacks, but because this is definitely a sensitive topic. And precisely because it is sensitive, many avoid talking/debating about in-depth, limiting the understanding of the problem.

I must say through this discussion, I have gained much insight of these singles' psyche.

The starting point is whether any (single) person wants to seek a partner to begin with. We must agree that there are people who are perfectly happy being single. There are also people who don't mind finding a partner, but in view of the trouble one has to go through to find a partner, rationally decide against it anyway. I do not refer to these 2 groups of singles in my statement.

The premise of my statement is limited those who WANT to find a partner, but yet like to blame every one/thing else for their inability to do so. As such, the problem really lies with themselves.

These people like to claim that their failure to find a soulmate, in this world of unprecedented 7 billion population, is a result of every one/thing else's fault.

There is No Supply-side Problem
What supply and demand imbalance?
There are 7 billion human beings in this world, even if gender distribution is not perfectly 50-50, show me a society where all of the available 'minority' gender is entirely exhausted, to prove the point of supply-side problem.

Laziness & Cowardice
Many people like to give excuses for refusing to learn how to get to know others, choose a partner who is suitable for themselves (and not fit some perverted self-image or fantasy), and sustain + manage a relationship.

If one needs help for the 1st step, i.e. even to find a partner, then what happens later? Does he need help to sustain + manage the relationship?

You can only get teachers and tutors to equip you with the skills/knowledge for the big test, but you have to take the test on your own. Only then, will you truly own the results.
If you cheat and/or avoid the learning process, you will forever be ignorant.

Or in other words, since you are too lazy and/or cowardly to open your mouth, why don't you get others to eat your lunch for you too?

Yes, My Statement is Condescending
But it is only condescending to people who refuse to admit that this is indeed their own doing.

One rebutted that my statement "is 'elitist' in a kind of way, almost in the same spirit of saying, there are millions of ways to 'make it' in this world, if you can't, it's because of you"

I think there is a huge difference between 'making it' versus 'finding a soulmate'. It's much easier to find a soulmate.

Simply because the definition of 'making it' is always only pegged to rarity, e.g. top 1% of any community, population, field etc.

Meanwhile the definition of 'soulmate' is entirely up to how crazily difficult you make it out to be for yourself.

Love is neither Rare, nor a Pre-Requisite
One claimed that through the history of time, there are so many examples of people who have failed to find love, especially presented by famous philosophers and poets. I guess she is alluding that, as such, 'love' must be something difficult to find.

While it's an unpleasant fact to deal with, however, the fact remains that 也有很多条件"差"的人，找得到伴侣。也可以幸福。

'爱' is not really an essential ingredient to start a partnership. That misguided understanding is one of the many impediments which the single individual has created for himself. We have been sold too much bullshite and misconceptions about '爱'. So much that we have become addicted to the romantic 'feel good' misconception, refusing to let it go even though it's detrimental to our lives.

'爱' is really an outcome of the partnership, not a pre-requisite.
You will only really find love if you try to go through the process.