The Conversationalist

"The only basis for a civilised conversation between two people was to treat each other with mutual respect.
It is pointless otherwise."

Guess who said the above?

I have come to realise that there are very few people who are capable of engaging in a civilised conversation. You may not wish to believe so, but it's more likely than not that you are unable to do the above. Simply because lousy and pointless conversations are the norm.

I don't know whether lousy and pointless conversations have always been the norm. And I hate to romanticise about 'better earlier times', when we all existed in 'simpler' lives and were running around hunting small mammals and eating berries off the trees.

What is a lousy and pointless conversation? You may ask.

Many factors degrade the purpose of a conversation.
Mainly, these two factors crack it: Insecurity and Ego.

I absolutely abhor conversations that degenerate into digging and competition. I notice that many, especially females, do this. They just can't stop at 'Oh! Your kid is in Primary School already'. They feel to need to ask which Primary School, then proceed to put down that school with 'I hear what's not-so-great about that school. My kid goes to XYZ school and so doesn't have to put up with that problem.'

And the more conversations you have with the same person, the more pointless and lousier they get.

Some who participate in such conversations love to euphemise their behaviour by terming it as simply 'being concerned' or 'just sharing'. No one will ever admit that the real reason is due to his insecurity and ego. They just feel the uncontrollable need to be superior to you, even if their lame example is saving $5 by buying an iPhone from some obscure shop in Tuas.

One may assume that an 'un-lousy' and 'point-ful' conversation would then be one which is full of intellectual content, jargon and citation of dead famous people's quotes and works, regardless whether the other party understands. But this is in fact simply another manifestation of insecurity and ego. The conversation is still about 'Me Me Me! Shiok Shiok Shiok!', and not about getting to know the other party, or exploring a topic TOGETHER.

And then, you have the conversation where one party only wants to talk about other people/things/monkeys, and refuses to tiptoe anywhere near himself or express his own feelings about anything. I'd be better off talking to Blinky and Tiger. At least, I'd get a genuine and personal response, even if it's a sharp-claw blood-drawing swipe at me.

Lastly, you have the great conversationalist who disbelieves everything you say. "Is it? Are you sure? Cannot be! I don't believe you!" He likes to exclaim. What's the point of having a conversation if you believe that I am a liar?

Hence, it is not an exaggeration to claim that the contemporary conversation is lame and unconstructive.
Don't believe me? Take some time to listen to and observe the next conversation at the pub, in the pantry, during lunch etc, especially those amongst so-called friends.
Avoid making the 'it's like that' conclusion.
Attempt to imagine that conversations could be better.

It takes intelligence to understand and practise mutual respect.
Similarly, it takes intelligence to engage in a civilised conversation.
And I am not talking about IQ. IQ is too common these days. So common that it's crass.