Talk Talk Talk

Introvert: I'd rather have no conversation, than poor conversations.

Extrovert: I'd rather have ANY conversations, than no conversation.

Some people are simply desperate for social interaction. I believe it has to do with the addiction to the 'high' one gets when engaging in social interaction. It can be reduced to mere hormone production.

This desperation, in turn, contributes to the problem of poor quality conversations.

The Conversationalist

"The only basis for a civilised conversation between two people was to treat each other with mutual respect.
It is pointless otherwise."

Guess who said the above?

I have come to realise that there are very few people who are capable of engaging in a civilised conversation. You may not wish to believe so, but it's more likely than not that you are unable to do the above. Simply because lousy and pointless conversations are the norm.

I don't know whether lousy and pointless conversations have always been the norm. And I hate to romanticise about 'better earlier times', when we all existed in 'simpler' lives and were running around hunting small mammals and eating berries off the trees.

What is a lousy and pointless conversation? You may ask.

Many factors degrade the purpose of a conversation.
Mainly, these two factors crack it: Insecurity and Ego.

I absolutely abhor conversations that degenerate into digging and competition. I notice that many, especially females, do this. They just can't stop at 'Oh! Your kid is in Primary School already'. They feel to need to ask which Primary School, then proceed to put down that school with 'I hear what's not-so-great about that school. My kid goes to XYZ school and so doesn't have to put up with that problem.'

And the more conversations you have with the same person, the more pointless and lousier they get.

Some who participate in such conversations love to euphemise their behaviour by terming it as simply 'being concerned' or 'just sharing'. No one will ever admit that the real reason is due to his insecurity and ego. They just feel the uncontrollable need to be superior to you, even if their lame example is saving $5 by buying an iPhone from some obscure shop in Tuas.

One may assume that an 'un-lousy' and 'point-ful' conversation would then be one which is full of intellectual content, jargon and citation of dead famous people's quotes and works, regardless whether the other party understands. But this is in fact simply another manifestation of insecurity and ego. The conversation is still about 'Me Me Me! Shiok Shiok Shiok!', and not about getting to know the other party, or exploring a topic TOGETHER.

And then, you have the conversation where one party only wants to talk about other people/things/monkeys, and refuses to tiptoe anywhere near himself or express his own feelings about anything. I'd be better off talking to Blinky and Tiger. At least, I'd get a genuine and personal response, even if it's a sharp-claw blood-drawing swipe at me.

Lastly, you have the great conversationalist who disbelieves everything you say. "Is it? Are you sure? Cannot be! I don't believe you!" He likes to exclaim. What's the point of having a conversation if you believe that I am a liar?

Hence, it is not an exaggeration to claim that the contemporary conversation is lame and unconstructive.
Don't believe me? Take some time to listen to and observe the next conversation at the pub, in the pantry, during lunch etc, especially those amongst so-called friends.
Avoid making the 'it's like that' conclusion.
Attempt to imagine that conversations could be better.

It takes intelligence to understand and practise mutual respect.
Similarly, it takes intelligence to engage in a civilised conversation.
And I am not talking about IQ. IQ is too common these days. So common that it's crass.

Overheard in a women's hospital ward

Wife was going through labour to expel an unfortunate stillbirth, and had been experiencing extreme pain for more than 2 hours at the break of dawn.

Husband appeared in the ward, with freshly-shampoo-ed hair, in t-shirt, bermudas and slippers. He was shocked to witness the scene, where his sweaty wife, with disheveled hair and legs spread open, was trembling, crying, and sometimes screaming in discomfort.

In his helplessness, he managed to say the following first words,

"Erm... Heh Heh... You look like you are shitting."

Everyone, including the nurses, patients in the next beds, and even the wife, went quiet.
...................................................................

Does one have to wait till a time like this to realise that one has married an idiot?

殷离练千蛛万毒手

殷离 Yin Li is a character created by 金庸 Jin Yong in 倚天屠龙记 The Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber.

The story goes that Yin Li's mother regretted not having learnt the deadly skill named 千蛛万毒手 "Thousand Spiders Venom Hand" thoroughly, because it involved ingesting poison from spiders which would lead to horrible disfigurement. Yin Li's mother believed that if she had practised the deadly skill well, she would have been able to 'protect herself', mainly from the threat of her husband's second wife. Her husband took a concubine, who bore him 2 sons, because she had been somewhat disfigured by the Thousand Spiders Venom Hand and had later become infertile.

Eventually, the second wife bullied Yin Li's mother and was stabbed to death by the tiny Yin Li. To protect her child, Yin Li's mother entrusted Yin Li to a random old lady, and committed suicide. Yeah... That's sort of how it went.

Of course, her traumatic childhood gave rise to a rather insecure and emotionally-unstable Yin Li who started to practise the Thousand Spiders Venom Hand, as advised by her dead mother. All that effort, to 'protect herself'.

Why do I bother with this somewhat plain character in the Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber?

Because I see Yin Li and her practice of the Thousand Spiders Venom Hand as a metaphor.

It's akin to how many females think they must have 'career' to protect themselves, make themselves independent etc because men cannot be trusted, other women are competition etc.

In the process, they make themselves 'ugly' and suspicious of others (men and women alike).

I'm not saying being able to carve out a career for oneself is not a good thing. Just like learning a wugong is not a bad thing. However, one has to sort out the intention for doing so.

What's worse was that Yin Li, given her limited 悟性 'potential', could not master her chosen Thousand Spiders Venom Hand well, while it turned her into an ugly girl anyway. She became even more insecure. She was a sweet and pretty girl to begin with.
何必呢？What for?

殷离懵练千蛛万毒手, 毁了自己.

Gabriel is a formulated Genius

Overheard:

"Gabriel's parents have sent him to ABC classes, bought him the DEF children's book series and the GHI IQ toys series, fed him with JKL supplements, gotten him in MNO primary school, and make him sleep on PQR special mattress and oxygenated air at night.

This is why he has done so well, i.e. gotten into GEP and aced his PSLE. 

I am gonna do just all of the above for my kid(s)."

Seriously, the reason why Gabriel has done so well is because of Gabriel's parents.
Because of their genes, their upbringing, their values, their priorities in life, their personalities, their commitment to and influence on Gabriel etc.

You can't replicate that, even if you had all the money in the world.

Not especially when you believe you can outsource parenting and educating of your kid(s) to school teachers and enrichment course providers.

We're playing a game at home today

I read this off a St Nicks' senior's Facebook status:

"We're playing a game at home today. 

It's called Every Thing Has Its Place So Let's Freakin' Put Them Back Where They Belong."

Following that was an entire string of 'likes' and comments from what looked like other mums with similar experiences. I was hugely amused.

Two things popped out.
Firstly, it's the school holidays, i.e. kids are at home more than usual.
Secondly, you mean parents have to 'play a game' or 'remind' to get their kids to keep their stuff?

Back in my days, my brother and I would be so dead if we didn't put our stuff back to where they belong. Even if it was just 1 tiny storybook or cup or sock or pencil. And we did not hang around to wait for reminders and/or to test the boundaries.

My folks would not reprimand the maid (we always had a maid), and such transgressions would clearly and solely be our problem... with extreme consequences. *gulp*

In fact, I was so well-trained that I would spend a couple of holiday afternoons rearranging my book shelves. Sometimes, arranging the books according to languages, or the alphabet, or book height, or categories. Other times, I would be clearing out the old stuff. I don't think my mother ever specifically told me to do this. I just wanted to do it. Perhaps, it's because my folks do it from time to time too. Monkey-see monkey-do.

After a while, I began to spend the afternoons rearranging the furniture in my room. I also painted my room (and the rest of the apartment plus some furniture) with my father. Later, during my uni days, I would paint my dorm room and furniture, re-line the flooring etc, before every new school year.

I think nagging at the kids, e.g. to put back the stuff to where they belong, doesn't work.

Everyone ought to learn the concept of being '自动'.
What's '自动' in English? Is there a good translation for this? As such, if you were 'English-educated', how do you learn the concept of '自动'?

Making sure that the kids know (i) how to do so, and (ii) the extreme consequences of not doing so, is much more effective.

人，是贱的。 =))

If you like to romanticise the poor and desolate...

... go through The Julie Project.

Don't worry.
It's a lot of pictures with very little text, and 18 years of her life will only take you about 10 minutes to consume.

And of course, it's gonna be graphic. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Selfish Justice Seeker

Most people are apathetic about injustices which take place around them everyday, especially those which are procedural and distributive, and not visible (e.g. car runs over a kid).

As third parties, they witness apathetically: a boss' unwillingness to respond to whistle-blowing, a colleague's bullying of another, a neighbour's suffering because of another, a stranger's wait lengthened because someone else cut the queue, or even someone else's attempt to seek justice etc.

Most commonly and in the most damaging manner, they ignore requests for justice to be restored that are presented in their work in-tray (in daily speak: to do right thing).

However, when an injustice, especially procedural/distributive, befalls these people personally, they DEMAND for justice. They write to the forum, they complain to everyone, they make a lot of noise etc.

They do not seem to be able to realise that:

1. It is because of their apathy that they are now suffering such injustices and the difficult to and/or lack of justice. They themselves have contributed to this lack of justice. 
2. Justice is not just a sub-contracted specialised service which someone else in some alien system will provide. 

In fact, Justice is a man-made concept which requires deliberate human effort to uphold. Every time one seeks to do what's right, the sense and system of justice is reinforced by making good what's wrong and sending out a clear signal to deter those who intend to do injustice to another.

Similarly, every single human being's apathy weakens this system. Not only does it not right what's wrong, it sends a clear message to all that one can get away with doing injustice to another.

The absence of injustice is not justice. 

Justice is a deliberate act which everyone must participate in.

Self-Control has to be taught

RE: Boy, 17, sells kidney to buy iPad 2

Contrary to what people like to tell themselves, I believe Self-Control (aka Impulse Control) is not a personality trait, but a life-skill which can be taught and learnt.

A lack of such the self-control skill may lead to lack of self-discipline (in some areas). Or lead to poor life decisions, such as choosing a wrong spouse, causing hurt to others (e.g. being unkind to others, lying, procrastinating, driving recklessly on the roads, making meowing noises at a female minister in Parliament etc)
Sounds familiar?


Read about how an Australian Senator makes cat sounds at the female Finance Minister, and gets a scolding in Parliament.

Conversely, having self-control is correlated to positive life outcomes, such as happiness, adjustment and various positive psychological factors.

See the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, where kids were each given a marshmallow and told that they can eat it anytime they want, but if they waited 15 minutes, they would receive another marshmallow. Researchers then studied these same children later in their lives and found that those who had waited (i.e. had exhibited self-control ability to delay gratification) were more successful as adults than those who had greedily grabbed the first marshmallow.

Acquiring this life skill requires learning it at a very young age, say from 2 years old. And it requires constant coaching and practice throughout the kid's waking hours.

As a proxy, it's takes 10,000 hours to become good at something. This roughly translates to 10 years, i.e. by that time, the kid ought to be taking his PSLE.

What does this mean for parents?

1. Parents cannot pass the role of teaching this skill to teachers in organised learning environments such as school.
2. Parents too need to have self-control and self-discipline to be teaching this skill to the kid.

As with the teaching of any type of knowledge/skill, I'm sure there are various teaching methods to be employed.

But nothing beats the 'role model' method. That is, if Daddy and Mummy exercise self-control and self-discipline, the kid will learn accordingly.

Conversely, if Daddy and Mummy have poor self-control, don't expect the kid to be otherwise. Unless, something shocking (e.g. life-changing) happens to the kid later, and he is intelligent enough to realise that he has to acquire this life-skill pronto.

Evil is a lack of Goodness

Take a stab at these:

"Evil is not a force, but comes from a lack of goodness" 

~ St Augustine of Hippo (354   -430 CE)

"Evil is a lack of something, rather than a thing in itself."

~ Thomas Aquinas (c. 1225 - 1274)

"Evil is banal. 

Evil does not come from malevolence 
or a delight in doing wrong."

~ Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975)

We have a predisposition to believe that doing something bad, or 'evil' requires an action. And that this evil action is violent and shocking.

E.g. Mr Butcher takes one of his cleavers and chops someone to bits. That's an act of evil.

However, Mr Butcher is not doing evil if he does not take enough care to lock his knives away, i.e. leaves them lying around and/or does not stop a kid from taking one of his knives for play and perhaps to stab another or himself in the process. He is not 'as evil', coz he did not carry out the actual stabbing.

(A) We have misconceptions about the form which Evil takes.

I agree with these famous philosophers that Evil is a lack of goodness. I also believe that an evil act or person need not appear to be violent or overwhelming in form.

(i) Evil is a lack of goodness

Everyday lack of doing tiny good results in bad consequences.

Example: Not keeping records of decisions made and to be followed up with in office. It's a small thing. Everyone on the email thread has a record of that discussion what!

But what happens when these people leave the company and their email accounts get terminated? What about people simply forgetting? Then too bad? If it's so important, someone will remember it or eventually find it?

(ii) An evil act or person need not appear to be violent or overwhelming in form.

An evil-doing person sounds cruel in his beliefs and speech, wear black all the time, looks menacing, enjoy heavy metal music, worships the 'wrong' deities etc.

But in fact, a person doing evil can have Bambi eyes, sound like a mother telling bedtime stories, and have ever helped an old lady to cross the road.

An evil act can be something which you are so used to that you refuse to start to believe that it is a problem.

E.g. Your family and you have grown up playing mahjong late into the night in your HDB flat for the past few decades. There had not been any complaints for decades until the new neighbour moved in last month.

Your family and you decide that nothing has changed on your side, so the problem must be with the new neighbour being over sensitive.

A few months later, your neighbour leapt off the parapet and was found dead on the ground floor, leaving behind a letter stating that she could not take the noise and this wretched life anymore.

(B) Shifting the Blame to the faceless Organisation/System

If you are part of a system which perpetuates the lack of good (e.g. care, prudence, due diligence etc.), then you are guilty of being evil by association. 

Just because everyone does it, doesn't make it alright.

Example: How the Town Council responded to the recent Woodlands-corpse-in-water-tank incident. The guy-in-charge said,"There are no foolproof ways to restrict access to HDB rooftops." 

Really? No foolproof ways at all?
How then does a bank allowing its contractors to clean or service a safe vault? By giving the different contractors the keys and passwords to the vault?

You can't claim that 'Everyone in the industry does it this way, so it's okay.' or 'As long as I'm not the one who carries out the action, I'm not evil. I'm okay.' 

Or the worst type: 'Nobody knows, so it's okay.' 

Once found out, use the 'Everyone in the industry does it this way' excuse instead.

Let's not kid ourselves. Many many people say the above to themselves and to others when questioned. Imagine yourself at the receiving end.

(C) Apathy = Lack of doing good = Evil 

I think such a belief that 'inaction and apathy are acceptable' is absurd. 

And I am very aware that most 'educated' people like to choose to be 'neutral', i.e. a euphemism for being apathetic and doing nothing.

Because this is the easiest way out. 

..........................................................

Yeah... Nobody said it was easy to be good.

So, Mr Butcher must keep his knives locked up everyday after use. He must also ensure that he cleans and maintains his stall and equipment so that no bits of decomposing meat are allowed to mix with the fresh meat coming in tomorrow. He must also be honest about the freshness of his meats, even to a poorly-informed customer. He must also keep up with current affairs to ensure that his meat sources are credible. That eating meat is still relevant to today's diet etc.
Very troublesome to do good!

But the good news is that it's really easy to be evil and destructive... Even when you choose to do nothing.

The Happy Cane

Do these look familiar? =))

As many of my peers enter that period of parenthood when their children are no longer sweet angels who can do no wrong, there is constant debate on whether to cane one's children.

Caning is barbaric. 

Erm... No... Children and people who have not been disciplined... Now, those are barbaric.

Whenever I observe people to be 'ugly' in terms of behaviour, I find myself imagining about these people's babyhood and childhood. How many people had coo-ed over them. So cute! What an angel! That they too were once deemed as symbols of 'innocence'. Whether anyone want to stop and see that greedy, dishonest, cruel people were once cutie pie babies too.

Of course, I do not have any children. No one should take my word on any parenting-related issue seriously. Regardless of my childless-ness, I am a firm believer of "Spare the rod and spoil the child."

We are all barbarians, until we start to learn and practise human values. Do not for a moment lie to yourself about these values being 'natural'. Many people are unable to learn and practise these values despite coming into contact with them for decades. Hence, a system of incentives and disincentives has to be devised to prod human beings along this learning journey.

But caning is just an easy way out.
Wrong. Caning is one of the parenting options.
And caning is an art.

I remember my folks giving my brother and me the task of going to the minimart to buy our canes. I still cannot decide which is more sickening, i.e. (i) the fact that my folks got us to buy our canes, or (ii) that my brother and I were giggling as we rationalised that we ought to get the thicker canes because those were likely to be less painful, i.e. the force would be distributed over a greater area of contact.

My folks also made us surface the canes when the occasion calls for them. This is to avoid a situation where they cannot find the well-hidden canes, causing the moment to 'lose form' and deflate.
It's also kind of 'democratic' coz it gave one a last-minute choice amongst (i) the thicker canes, (ii) the thinner canes, (iii) the broken/split canes, and (iv) anything Papa can get his hands on (this is not funny at all when it happens). There is always a choice, right?

According to a 1999 newspaper report, these canes fly off the shelves most during the examination period. I think that is too late. Such a system of incentives/disincentives ought to be practised consistently and regularly. This is to avoid shock, when still sending the right messages to its recipient. It's also to ensure dexterity on the part of the enforcer. Needless to say, it takes discipline to discipline. Obvious, no?

Of coz, as with everything and anything (DOTA, exercise, drinking, love, hate, honesty, Angry Birds, checking on the hatchlings in the balcony etc), moderation is key.

A parent holding a quivering cane in his muscular hand can morph into a range of roles: a paper tiger, a stern yet effective disciplinarian, or simply, a child abuser. Physical and emotional.

Unfortunately, no one is there to stop the parent in any case, because society has voted for this to be acceptable. If not, parenting would be licensed.
......................................................................

Back to my imaginary kid...

I think I will offer him the following punishments for being naughty:

1. 10 strokes of the cane, or grounding up to 1 month, or both. May be shortened based on good behaviour.
2. Life sentence - Carry your own bag, including NS backpack, for life. No appeal. 

Looks familiar? 

Doesn't Everyone Want to be Decent?

My 20 year old cousin and I were having a lovely lunch and chat when this question came up:

"Doesn't Everyone Want to be Decent?"

I'm not so sure about the answer to this question. Questions which require honest answers are usually impossible to answer fully. In any case, I don't think this question (or its answer) is that important.

The more important question to ask is:

"WHY does one want to be decent?"

Who set the rules/criteria of being 'decent'? How are these criteria/rules being 'enforced'? By oneself? By community/ society (people around us)? By higher beings watching over and judging us every second of our lives? What will happen if we do not abide by these criteria/rules of being decent? What if we believe no one is watching?

This of course inadvertently reminds me of the recent Lost & Found wallet incident.

Someone left a comment on that entry, saying that the honesty which 'Good Fren' and I had displayed through that incident was OLD-SCHOOL.

Why is honesty/returning a lost wallet OLD-SCHOOL?

As in, has it become "unfashionable" these days to return a lost item or be 'honest'?

Perhaps... as the blog header suggests... honesty is vulgar...
and therefore... honesty is shocking.
......................................................

'Good Fren' points out a curious phenomenon.
Everyone I've asked say he/she would return a lost wallet. But all do not expect to get back their lost wallets.

Obviously, something is not adding up.

Either all the lost wallets in Singapore have been eaten up by some wallet-eating species or have fallen through the wide cracks in our first world public roads, people are merely giving the 'right answer' to that question of 'Wouldn't you return the lost wallet?"

It's the 'decent' answer to give.

So, it goes back to the original question of the day... WHY does one wanna be decent?

Health Screening Outcome

Remember that, as part of our 'family health screening campaign', I went for the Health Screening 2 weeks ago?

The results came back this week... and...

I'm ALL GOOD!! 

As in... every single category is OKAY!

Even the 'bad cholesterol' level is good!! 

As a reward, let's go for some hardcore bad cholesterol foods such as Jumbo Seafood! =))

Life is such a binge and purge cycle... SIGH... No meaning...

More seriously, I realise that quite a few around me, younger and older, do not own such a clean bill of health. I figure that it's not about gender, age, intelligence, genes... It's about how hard one works. If you work hard, your health will suffer. It's especially lousy if you live alone, because you'd end up eating out all the time. =_=

Family Health Status

Tis the season for our family's 'health campaign 2010'. =))

Late last month, 'Good Fren' got himself checked at work for cholesterol levels, blood pressure etc. We brought the cats for vaccination, physical examination, and urine-testing last week. And yesterday, I went to one of the polyclinics for my health screening.

The wonderful bruise you see in the picture of my arm is a result of blood drawing from rather fine veins. You can make out the outline of the plaster. The sticky residue seduced bits of our red duvet cover.

As always, the nurses were not too pleased with the veins I'd provided them with. They immediately wanted me to admit that I'd bruise very easily, because the swelling became visible the instance she removed the needle. OMG! INTERNAL BLEEDING! It's an EMERGENCY!!!

I had a good time pressing on the bruise all throughout my Korean class last evening. =))

The vet called me up the day before and told me that Tiger and Blinky's urine test results were all good. It's a huge relief. Blinkz and Tigz are in their 60s, and we have attempted to limit what they consume and how much they consume. Looks like it's working.

However, we are not as disciplined with ourselves. Noticed the many food entries in this blog? I bet both of us have high 'bad' cholesterol levels.

While 'Good Fren' jogs in the mornings, I must make sure that our evening walks either cover a greater distance or take place at a faster pace, or both. To think that I used to be placed Top 10 in the TJC road race, or be able to complete a 10km swim. These days, I can't even survive a 2km jog without passing out.

=_= Chuiz.
......................................................

It's really counter-intuitive that while you can use your Medisave to pay for that heart bypass surgery or cancer treatment, you can NOT use it for health screening.

Isn't it more important to detect health problems in their nascent stages, rather fix the disease only after it becomes full-blown and visible?

Not even asking for the tests to be free-of-charge.
Just asking to use Medisave for basic health screening tests, which are likely to cost a few hundred bucks per year. Amounting to about $15,000 for 50 years.

School Bus Life Lessons

Do you remember those school bus trips?

Because I used to live in Marine Parade and my school was in town for a couple of years before it moved to Ang Mo Kio, the school bus was a regular feature in my childhood. Long bus trips which started every morning before the break of dawn.

And in the school bus, one learns important life lessons.

Life Lesson #1 -
Majority Bullies Minority
Back then, CHIJMES was not a food and beverage establishment. It was a school, a church, a nunnery and orphanage. And as a school compound, it housed 2 schools, St Nicks and this other CHIJ branch. Along with me from my estate, my school bus would pick up these 2 elder girls (a pair of sisters who lived in my block) from the other CHIJ branch to head for CHIJMES every morning.

While we were all in the same uniform, the sisters were minority and the St Nicks girls, regardless of age, were the majority. I remember that apart from the last row, each seat could take 2. By the time the three of us got up on the bus in Marine Parade, the girls before us would have been in their seats, with their bags on the empty space beside them. I soon realised that for me, I could just pause at any seat and the bag would be moved. But for the non-St Nicks sisters, no bags were moved. They would have to find a seat elsewhere. Either in front near the bus uncle where he kept his yucky greasy stuff, or at the back where it is very warm due to proximity to the engine.

Once, the sisters couldn't find seats and complained to the bus driver about the seat situation. The bus uncle, in turn, told the rest of us to move our bags. That made them even more unpopular.

Fundamentally, I didn't understand why the 2 sisters were being discriminated against. They were perfectly polite and decent chicks who kept to themselves. In fact, one of them was rather pretty. Maybe that's why. But I doubt it. It's more because they were 'different'. They were simply not 'us'.

In any case, I soon learnt another lesson about polite and 'nice' people.

Life Lesson #2 -
Polite & 'Nice' doesn't mean Shite
About 10 minutes after the bus picks me up, this St Nicks 姐姐 would board. She was at least 4 to 5 years my senior. She had a boyish haircut, small eyes, sunny smile, altogether a kind motherly face. A young short-haired Ajumma, if you will. She would eat bread with pork floss on the bus. It was her breakfast.

Once, she sat with me, and I fell asleep on her shoulder. That's how we started to chat. And soon, I started to look forward to her presence onboard every morning. It's a comforting ritual. She had this soft reassuring voice which added to the 'big sister' effect. I loved it. I never had an elder sister, and wanted someone to look up to and learn from.

One day, amongst other random stuff, I asked her how babies were made. With her sunny smile, she held my hand and told me that whenever 2 human beings were in contact, cells would be exchanged through the skin. That's how babies are made. I remember wanting to withdraw my hand from hers. She must have sensed the tension in my hand, and so reassured me that because we were both female, no babies were in the making. However, if she had been male, I would be pregnant in no time.

Somehow, despite how much I liked her, I didn't believe her. So, I went home, dropped my bag, and headed for the book shelf. I took out the 'hardest' chapter from my encyclopaedia set, i.e. Biology coz it had many big words a 9 year old couldn't understand. I sat there for the entire afternoon, trying to find the part on cells moving across the skin to impregnate the woman. Eventually, I decided that either I had been lied to, or my supposedly wiser school bus 姐姐 was full of shite. I must have sulked for a while after that.

Life Lesson #3 -
Break from Routine is Unsettling
For some months, the arrangement was such that I would be dropped off at Marine Crescent where my nanny was. That was when we were in between maids.

Once, the bus totally skipped my nanny's place. I was shocked, but didn't dare to challenge the bus uncle. People from my generation are like that. I just sat in my seat, chewing on my handkerchief. Like a silly deer in headlights.

"Where is he bringing me to?

Will I see my parents again?

What about my toys?

And my smelly pillow?

Will he allow me to get an education?

Should I still do my homework?

Should I jump out of the window at the next traffic light?

Is this the end?!!!"

I didn't even dare to cry. That was how scared I was.

Those thoughts kept me occupied for another 10 minutes, as the bus drove into my estate and stopped right at the lobby of my block. Suddenly, I saw a familiar figure at the bus door, smiling. HEY! THAT'S MY MUMMY!!! I grabbed my stuff and jumped off the bus (through the door).